School suspended me for what they found on my laptop

July 12, 2019

hi I'm Serena and I grew up in a conservative family by conservative I mean that we were never exposed to anything especially adult content we had parental controls on our TV computers and phones and I was forbidden even from pg-13 movies the kids in school would make jokes I didn't understand or talk about things they were doing with each other about which I was clueless my mom wouldn't even let me attend the schools educational classes for teenagers she said the only thing I needed to know about the relationship between a man and a woman was to wait until marriage I was frustrated it wasn't fair at all that everyone got to learn about these things except for me I kept looking for ways to get more info I was too embarrassed to ask my friends though so sometimes I read stuff in magazines and I searched for books in the library but it wasn't enough until one day this girl at school showed me how to get past the controls on my phone browser she was joking that I now could bill wild I didn't want to go wild but I did want some answers I didn't even know what to look up so I just googled sex an adult video site came up it looked really disturbing and I wanted to exit immediately but something stopped me I just kept staring at the images on the screen and then I clicked on one of the videos with my eyes half-closed I was horrified by what I saw I couldn't believe that people actually did stuff like this I knew it was wrong to watch it and I felt so guilty afterward I could barely eat dinner that night and I didn't want to look my parents in the eye I felt like they'd be able to tell I've done something awful in school the next day I couldn't concentrate I just kept thinking about the images I'd seen I'd hated watching it but it had made me even more curious in a way I'd been seeing this guy Ben my parents didn't want me to be alone with a boy so when I went out with him we had to double-date with another couple Ben asked if I wanted to go to the movies with their friends that evening I couldn't even look at him this why did he want to do the things I'd seen in that video after school i sat in the school yard and watched another one this time I wasn't quite as freaked out by it it still shocked me but there was something fascinating about it too so I watched a couple more there were so many out there showing so many different things dude all my friends know about this was I the only one who'd been living in ignorance I wanted to catch up I wanted to know the things that other people knew so I started watching adult videos whenever I got the chance I didn't even realize how obsessed I was becoming it just felt normal to wake up thinking about them and go to bed thinking about them we weren't allowed to have our phones out in class but sometimes I had excused myself to go to the bathroom just so I could watch a quick video I was out of control I still got hit with waves of guilt and shame if my parents knew what I was doing they'd probably disown me but I told myself that I was just trying to get educated about sex you're acting weird Ben told me why don't you ever want to hang out anymore I didn't know what to tell him I didn't know how to ask if he'd seen the videos like the ones I'd watched if that was what sex was like as much as the videos enthralled me they still scared me too I didn't ever want to do that stuff my parents noticed the difference – something wrong honey my dad asked as I pushed my dinner aside after only a few bites and stood up nope just want to get back to work on my school project I told him and I hurried upstairs I opened my school issued laptop to start working but after a few minutes the familiar voice in my brain told me to watch a video just one I tried to ignore it I really did need to get this project done but then I figured if I just watched one I would get it out of my system and be able to focus I didn't realize what time it was until my mom knocked on my door to say goodnight it was almost 11:00 I'd been watching videos for almost four hours I got scared then and put the laptop away in my closet so I couldn't see it anymore I lay awake telling myself it was okay there was a guy Jarrod from my school who played video games for like 12 hours at a time and my friend Karen watched music videos on YouTube for hours – I just gotten a little carried away was all two days later my laptop wouldn't run different things kept popping up and I barely knew how to manage this computer my parents had been so restrictive of my computer use growing up I knew almost nothing about them so I took the laptop to the teacher and said I think something's wrong with it she took it to the IT and a little while later I got called to the office I was nervous I never got called to the office when I arrived the principal my parents and the guidance counselor were all waiting for me they had my laptop I almost bolted I've never been that scared in my life the principal said it was filled with viruses from sites I'd visited for the last two days he asked how I'd gotten around the controls of school put on its laptops I didn't know what to say I just done the same thing my friend had showed me how to do with my phone I hadn't thought they'd be able to tell my mom looked ready to cry we tried so hard to raise you well she said what happened to my sweet little girl all I could say was I'm sorry over and over again it was just one I tried to tell them just so I knew what what sex was the guidance counselor talked to my parents she said actually it was very common for kids my age to become fascinated by adult content she asked me some questions about how often I watched these videos I tried my best to answer she talked to my parents a little longer and whatever she said seemed to calm them down somewhat then she gave me a card this is a support group for teens with addictions she said I think it might help you to check it out it was a long silent ride home with my parents I knew they were disgusted with me I was disgusted with myself an addiction group those groups were for druggies and alcoholics I looked at the card in my hand and crumpled it up it was never going to go I wasn't an addict I didn't think it could get worse but the next day in school word had spread about my laptop viruses kids snickered when I walk down the hallway they made obscene gestures when I saw been a brief spark of hope lit in me but then he said why didn't you tell me you liked watching porn I think that it's so cool we can even watch it together if you want you're a freak I said leave me alone I don't want to watch with you tears welled in my eyes I didn't know what to say so I hurried away I never wanted to watch a video again by the end of the day I wanted to die I'd lost my parents respect I'd lost most of my friends even people I considered my friends had asked me questions like are you one of the sex addicts are you a nympho I stayed in my room all evening vowing I would never watch another video I would prove I wasn't an addict except as soon as my parents went to bed I felt the urge again I resisted as long as I could then I went downstairs my mom had taken my phone but there was still the TV I found the pay-per-view adult movies and rented one then another suddenly there was light outside and it was almost time for school I hadn't slept and my eyes were red and scratchy from staring at the TV all night I realized then that I had a problem I called my boyfriend a freak for asking to watch but I wasn't any better myself a real problem and I needed to get help I've been going to the support group for a while now some days it helps but I'm still so ashamed of all the respect I've lost from people in my life the one good thing is that Ben apologized to me he said his uncle had the same problem and had to get treatment for it his support has made a huge difference to me I hope one day I'm known as more than just the girl who was addicted to adult videos I hope that Ben and I can heal our relationship completely but some days I still feel so confused about Who I am you

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  • Reply what's in a hot dog 67 July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    They don't have s## ed do the

  • Reply Dariusfog July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Disgustan 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

  • Reply CarlitoDUCK Yee July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    What [email protected]** uses thier school computer to watch porno? Did her friend not tell her about incognito mode? Lmao im dying

  • Reply Shailene Smith July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Haha ur not the ONLY one hahahahaha it's been like this for mmmm I wanna saw about 2-3 years now…….wut, is it only me?! Its fun……well……to me it is 😅

  • Reply #TEAMPEWDIEPIE July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    This all could've been avoided had her parents not been so overprotective

  • Reply Jordan Robinson July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    I'm sorry to hear that.

  • Reply Aubrey Gacha Here! July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    She forgot the incognito

  • Reply Marcus Dogan July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Me at 12pm

  • Reply Nadine Fox July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Lmfao when I was in eighth grade a few years ago I stumbled upon pornhub and almost lost my mind. I don’t understand how someone could be addicted to watching it🤯

  • Reply Slime Girl July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm


  • Reply isaac asiamah July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    I first thought she was watching porn cause of the title

  • Reply Chinese KidChannel July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm


  • Reply Grace Millar July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    I'm the same

  • Reply Van Man July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Wtf😂😂😂 even I don’t watch porn that much

  • Reply Quashan Jenkins July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    And we all know what she was watching

  • Reply Bruh Like my comment July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Imagine a 7 year old interested in this so he looked up the the same thing and bang same addiction

  • Reply Jada Crawfish July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Did you find Porn Hub?

  • Reply Syd Sue July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Omg, I also have my parents monitoring my tablet and computer.
    Anyone else?

  • Reply Alicia Ferguson July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Girl your watching porn

  • Reply Roger Hines, Jr July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Your dad is black

  • Reply Makouchii July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    i mean, i watch hentai, yaoi and yuri on my chromebook-

  • Reply your warm cup of tae July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    her: im addicted to porn
    me: im addicted to anime, manga, and bts

  • Reply yoenny the gamer July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Wlcome to live girl

  • Reply Kaitlyn Gemma July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    You should be cautions about anything that has adult content. Honestly, i wish i had parental control on everything and then things wouldn't happen like this to me!

  • Reply kuollut kanava July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    4hours watching porn thats my everyday routine

  • Reply Ryanne Casey July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Why did she use her school computer thoughh 🤔🤔🤔

  • Reply Hi GameZ July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    No offence but your parents are shit for the simple reason they weren’t telling you. They basically ruined your social life.

  • Reply soggy_ c̮r̮e̮a̮m̮p̮u̮f̮f̮s̮101 July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    The same thing happened to me

  • Reply A’Shari Nya fucking buisness July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    Was she aware that she was watching porn I legit said wtf is this I was like girl why you watching porn now das nasty asf ok i didn’t watch the whole video I judged to fast and I never judged people

  • Reply Mimi _chan July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm


  • Reply jane the killer :3 July 12, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    my bff went through the exsact dame thing as this story!

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