Articles, Blog

Darkwing Duck – Turbografx 16 – Angry Video Game Nerd – Episode 135

August 14, 2019

♫ He’s gonna take you back to the past ♫ ♫ to play the shitty games that suck ass ♫ ♫ He’d rather have a buffalo ♫ ♫ take a diarrhea dump in his ear ♫ ♫ He’d rather eat the rotten asshole ♫ ♫ of a roadkilled skunk and down it with beer ♫ ♫ He’s the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard ♫ ♫ He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd ♫ ♫ He’s the Angry Atari, Sega Nerd ♫ ♫ He’s the Angry Video Game Nerd ♫ Eh, I’ve done that one. Let’s see… Shitty, shitty… ah, I’ve done that one too. Shitty games… eh… Eh… um… This one looks pretty shitty! Yeah… it’s shitty. Just flyin’ around, shootin’ frogs in bubbles. In space. Ugh, that’s not enough material
to work with. I’m movin’ on. Here’s one! Yay, this sucks! Kid Niki’s jumpin’
around like he’s on the moon… It’s ass, it’s ass. Nah. Nah. Ugh… Oh, now THIS looks hilarious! Um… My mind is a blank. There’s gotta be something… Oh, Deathbots! How could you go wrong? Or right, or rightfully wrong. Shootin’ robots. Okay. I got it! Mad Max! It was made by Mindscape, proving that not
every NES movie-based game was made by LJN. See, LJN was like a cat, and
the NES library was its litter box. When the litter box gets too shitty…
the cat shits somewhere else. Now I’m on track! Well, you drive around, you run around shootin’ people, you drive, shoot, drive, shoot, buy stuff, drive and shoot. I wish it were LJN, because they
would’ve given me more to talk about! Call me an explorer, I’ve been searching
for the perfect shitty game, and I’ve seen just about everything at this point! But you know what? I’m gonna do
something that I’ve never done yet, and that is to review a game on… … the Turbografx 16. Holy shit. The Turbografx 16 was developed
by Hudson Soft and NEC. Its original name in Japan was the PC Engine,
which sounds like a computer on a train. No wonder they changed it. The games came on cards, which was unique. It was technically the first 16-bit console,
made to compete with the NES, but it was soon trampled by two titans,
the Sega Genesis and the Super Nintendo. Yeah, you were either asking your
parents for the Genesis or the SNES. The Turbografx 16 was the one
nobody gave a shit about. It didn’t have as many third-party
game developers working for it, but the benefit of that was that
it meant less shitty games! The Turbografx library is less
contaminated than the rest. That’s why it’s taken me so long to get to it. There’s no major stinkers that stick out. But I might have found one: Darkwing Duck, based on the TV show. I remember the show, but I’m not overly
familiar with it, which is a fair spot to be in. I have no high expectations or low expectations. By now I’ve played some of the most horrible
games that are humanly possible to make: Plumbers Don’t Wear Ties, Big Rigs, Hong Kong ’97, I think I’ve set the bar too high, or too low,
depending which way you look at it. So now, let’s get into some more
sensible territory, let’s get serious. Or should I say… Let’s get dangerous! Urgh! Fuck. You son a bitch… You piece of dogshit… [groaning] … fuck they thinkin’, fuckin’ pieces of shit. It begins with a stage selection screen: You move a magnifying glass over a photograph of the villains. By selecting a villain, you load their stage. That’s pretty unique, I have to say! As you can see, it’s a standard action side-scroller.
Nothing much to explain. The graphics are satisfactory for this era. … I guess I’m not supposed to be able to reach that D. C’mon… c’mon! Hungh!! Figured I could get a running start,
but that doesn’t work! Great! The game just began and they
tease you with an item that you can’t get! There’s gotta be a way… Oh, I see, you bounce on the
skateboarding penguins’ heads. How could I be so casual when
I say “skateboarding penguins”? Uh, wait… why didn’t it work? What, was it a fluke the first time?! Oh, maybe I bounce on this thing? Nope. It’s not like I have to get the D,
I don’t even know what it does! But it pisses me off! I feel like an ass! I can’t let that go! I feel like I’ve been fooled! It’s like a test from the game programmers, a challenge! Like, you put that D there, and I’m gonna
figure out how you intend I get to it! I believe this is possible. All I gotta do is bounce on one of these penguins. Why would it be so difficult?! You know why? The penguins don’t come
when you’re anywhere near the D. No, you gotta walk WAY out
there before they start coming, and at that point they’re so fast you lose ’em! Ah! I’ll stun ’em with my gun, then bounce off ’em! I just gotta get one of them over to the D! Fuck… fuck! I give up. There’s a whole game ahead of me. Fuck the D! The D can suck my dick! I have to mention, the controls are very delayed. You’d never know just by looking at it,
no, you’d have to play it for yourself! Or how about listen to me hit the button? [tap] You hear that? [tap] That’s how delayed it is. [tap] Okay, here’s Tuskernini… immune to gunfire, apparently. I suppose I have to jump on him, or over him. And that’s so convenient when you’re going uphill! Oh, no no no no– NO NO NO NOOO! NO! Oh, I have an idea! Uh, nope. Gotta admit, it was a pretty smart idea! I accept that I have to take a hit, can I just get past him?! Phew! Thank god! Oooh, noo!! I’ve been playing on Normal mode,
I’m changing it to Easy. Huh. Easy and Normal… Should be called Hard and Fucking Bullshit! Is this guy gonna die or what? Finding ammo isn’t that common,
and I just wasted it all on one guy! What a shitload of fuck! Here’s the final showdown with Tuskernini. Okay, so the idea is to jump on him… I did it once, why can’t I do it again? Hnnngh! Huurrgh!! Huaarggh!! [fart noise]
Huaarggh!! … uh, sorry, I shit myself. How did the bags hit me? I was standing perfectly in between them! The hit detection in this game
seems to be spontaneous. I can usually adapt to crap, but this game is a rare breed where I legitimately
can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong! It’s a type of game designed to make
it appear that you’re real poorly, to make you question: Is it really you? But it’s the delayed controls and strange hit detection! Now all of a sudden, it worked?! Nothing has any rhyme or reason. Things go on diagonal slants so you can’t
tell what part you’re allowed to jump on. Hazardous objects still harm you even
when you clearly jump over them, as if there’s some kind of invisible
electric barrier around them. Don’t you think there’d be a reason
why the window is broken? Doesn’t it look like I can hop down there? How about hanging on the power lines? Darkwing is actually reaching up as if he could grab on! But it never happens! It messes with your mind! It’s a psychological sucker-front! A facade! It’s the equivalent of an open door that you can’t go in! Another brain-teaser they throw at you is this puzzle. As you progress in the game, you get
more pieces of the puzzle to work with. The annoying part is that they put
two characters behind the puzzle, so sometimes I can’t tell if I’m looking at
the puzzle or at a piece of the background. Just have a flat color! Jeez, is it fuckin’ rocket science?! Oh, look at all those goodies up there… Jump on the bat… jump on the bat! Urgh! Mgh! I give up! Pff. What a kick in the ass. What kinda game is this, where you could
sometimes jump on things and other times can’t?! So much shit coming at me! So much shit!! What the fuck just happened? It’s like you make one wrong step,
you go to the Dungeon, bitch!! What is this thing anyway,
a pizza that turns into a capybara? You can’t duck and shoot. Great. Well at least you can duck. You ARE a duck. I dunno what kinda fucked-up duck can’t fuckin’ duck. Get up there… get up there! GET THE FUCK UP THERE!! Urggh! Nrrgh! Huurrgh!! With these kinda controls, you should
NOT be required to do platform jumping! Aaand… just about… … now! Mmgh, fuck! Let’s try again… wait for it… … n-nope, ugh, not now… Next time… Aaand here it comes… Fffff—- FUUU–!! UUUUUUU–! UUUUUUUU–!! UUUUUUUUUUU–!! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUU–!!! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU–!!!!! If you stand still for too long, a safe drops on you! Like the game is saying “Fuck you!” Might as well just be a giant middle finger. And it should be the only part of the game in 3D! Put on your 3D glasses! Get ready! Set! Fuck you, kids! This could have been a decent game. Darkwing Duck is not one of those
concepts that’s doomed from the start. The show had elements of action, crime-solving
and humor. It’s been done well before! There’s an NES version which was
basically like Mega Man, but with a duck. It was made by Capcom, who of course
made the Mega Man games, and DuckTales. Those all turned out great, so what happened here? The control isn’t just bad, it’s uniquely
bad in an indescribable way! Every game with bad control has
its own feel, its own identity. Making bad games is an art form, it’s a delicate recipe. Some are worse than others: It might be a massive
truckload of elephant shit, or a pellet of bird poop. To explain exactly how bad it is,
I’ve invented The Shit Scale. It begins with Games That Are Debatably Bad,
somewhat good games with serious flaws. Not part of the turd crust, but well within smell range. Then you get to the High Level of Shit Contamination. Games that are possible to play,
but no-one in their right mind would. Then you get into the Very High Category,
which encompasses the majority of LJN games. This is where you could still survive,
but you’d come out traumatized. For life. Next is the Severe Zone. This is for masochists only. These are games that could kill a person.
Stay away! Don’t even think about it! Then we have Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Enough said. Finally, at the extreme end of the scale, Major Code Red, we have games that don’t even qualify as games at all! They shouldn’t even be on the scale! But they are. And that’s so you know to beware!
Never play them, never talk about them! So where does Darkwing Duck fall on the scale? I’d say somewhere around… here. Of course, that means there are games that are worse, but from what I’ve seen so far, Darkwing Duck
is the worst game on the Turbografx 16. Being the worst at something is quite an achievement. I’m the fuckin’ Nerd, I’ll see ya next time. Nrrgh!
[glass breaking]

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  • Reply trafficracer24 May 29, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    Launchpad has joined the chat

  • Reply Otto Funny May 30, 2019 at 6:04 am

    Technically he reviewed street fighter 1 on the turbo graphic back in 2010

  • Reply Orlando Small May 30, 2019 at 1:09 pm

    When I see his room and ALL those video games I just shake my head
    Sooo many things wrong with that…fir a parent to buy their child THAT many damn video games is insanity

  • Reply RaptorZX3 May 31, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    11:05 Put on your red-blue 3D glasses! I did!

  • Reply LittleAl016 June 1, 2019 at 2:00 am

    2:56, not true. Considering the existence of the Mattel Intellivision.

  • Reply Alysa Aiday June 2, 2019 at 7:14 am


  • Reply mrfurball June 2, 2019 at 5:07 pm

    Ecco the dolphin? Is that some stab at the fanboys of this game? To this day I'm still confused why on earth anyone tolerates this game, but it seems everyone under the sun considers ecco the dolphin a masterpiece.

  • Reply Gary Minton June 2, 2019 at 6:03 pm

    I want to be in Angry Video Game Nerd please please please please please please

  • Reply Alpha Nibba June 4, 2019 at 3:45 pm

    lmao when I was a kid playing this, I thought I was just trash. Thank god it was just the game.

  • Reply Comar Bloxlore June 5, 2019 at 5:32 am

    10:49 The Ultimate F-Bomb

  • Reply Joseph Joestar June 5, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    3:22 That dude kinda looks like Kakyoin.

  • Reply Hitman006xp June 5, 2019 at 11:43 pm

    Being the worst at something xD

  • Reply Dauntavios Greenhouse June 7, 2019 at 4:44 pm


  • Reply Load Game June 8, 2019 at 12:32 am


  • Reply Mr. Hyde June 8, 2019 at 12:40 am


  • Reply subscribe to die instantly June 8, 2019 at 7:52 am

    2:37 “The TurboGrafx 16!”
    Not to mention, the Nintendo GameCube!!!

  • Reply subscribe to die instantly June 8, 2019 at 8:06 am

    4:23 Guitar Guy? 😢

  • Reply Ivan Bujger June 8, 2019 at 2:38 pm

    I want your couch nerd

  • Reply Mazda626gtturbo June 8, 2019 at 3:08 pm

    One of the last games released for the the TG16 I think that one just got a whatever ship it as is stamp. A few more weeks of time spent on fixing what ever was slowing it down so much and it might have made it up a notch or 2 on the shit scale LOL.

  • Reply Thomas prkl June 12, 2019 at 12:43 am

    I am here right after the konami "special announcement" in e3. They are making turbografx 16 mini! What are they thinking!

  • Reply Destroyer Rancher June 15, 2019 at 10:34 pm

    If ljn is a cat and the nes library is the litterbox than every time you've destroyed an ljn game you cleaning the litterbox so more shitty games can be made

  • Reply Benny Blanco June 16, 2019 at 6:53 am

    I don't have to get the d 😂 that's what she said

  • Reply Dominic Hernandez June 16, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    Is he really mad or loves games

  • Reply Dominic Hernandez June 16, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    It's hilarious

  • Reply Airwolf Knight June 16, 2019 at 6:21 pm

    A bit late but the choosing the villan and loading their stage is like in the megaman games..choosing the robot master and thus loading their stage..nice vid..2019

  • Reply Davenia Fisher June 18, 2019 at 1:12 am

    Are you bullying us

  • Reply Alex Stewart June 18, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    James is obsessed with gettin' that D.


  • Reply old fashioned guy June 19, 2019 at 8:34 am

    To be honest if the nerd updated the scale by today (2019), he would put The Town With No Name in the category of 'games that don't even qualify as games'.

  • Reply daoust26 June 20, 2019 at 1:36 am

    I love the turbo graphics 16 that was my jam as a kid

  • Reply Mycroft Foley June 20, 2019 at 9:18 am

    My biggest pet peeve is when an enemy's hitbox is tiny.

  • Reply Jonathan Mello June 22, 2019 at 7:46 am


    Can you actually get that fucking D ??

  • Reply Mark Brennan June 22, 2019 at 5:35 pm

    How do I get Hong Kong 97 looped tune for a ringtone

  • Reply Alex Williams June 23, 2019 at 4:11 am

    Stayed for the lgn reference. Damnit they made bad games.

  • Reply rilluma June 23, 2019 at 8:52 am

    at the start its very rare that a sides scroller goes from right to left! 4:44

  • Reply Lucio 101 June 24, 2019 at 4:58 am

    Good F ing theme song

  • Reply Quentin Parhiala June 24, 2019 at 1:52 pm

    Great episode and a fantastic shit scale

  • Reply Dalek 446 June 27, 2019 at 3:18 am

    Someone give this man a tv show

  • Reply blackphoenix77 June 28, 2019 at 2:44 am

    Remember when you could watch these without constant commercial interruptions? Pepperidge Farms remembers.

  • Reply DragonGrafx-16 June 28, 2019 at 4:12 am

    Funny, I had bought an old Mac serial extension cable to use with my PC Engine so the controller reaches the couch. Not as easy to find a cable for the TG-16 lol

  • Reply Tyminator June 29, 2019 at 3:03 am

    12:34 Gotta love how Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde gets it's own category

  • Reply Joker June 29, 2019 at 11:35 pm

    Legend says he is still trying to get the D

  • Reply fish ball cat June 30, 2019 at 12:09 am

    legendas em português glória a Deus

  • Reply Keith Thomas July 1, 2019 at 8:19 pm

    Shit fuck dame

  • Reply SUCK MY W E E N SUSAN July 2, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    Who whud win
    A game rateing sistem made by pros


  • Reply Danny Scipio July 3, 2019 at 12:59 am

    Shit Scale should return

  • Reply Mana Kuroshiki July 5, 2019 at 12:43 am

    Maybe the humor is the difficulty of the game. Maybe they wanted to give people a challenge.

  • Reply Chad Gage July 6, 2019 at 12:06 pm

    You're not very video game savvy or logical-for having reviewed so many games.
    You know what they say
    "If you can't play, review"

  • Reply Arriaga Two July 6, 2019 at 2:12 pm

    Turdgrafx 16

  • Reply Dan Keizer July 7, 2019 at 5:24 am

    Whoa! Are you fucking kidding me, avgn?

    Kid Niki is one of the greatest NES games. What the fuck is wrong with you?

  • Reply Cos Garcia July 7, 2019 at 8:15 am

    You cant hit him when hes rolling…you'll take damage. Have to wait for him to stop rolling to take damage

  • Reply teagbroh643 GDC July 7, 2019 at 2:27 pm

    I am the Terror that Flaps in the Night! I am the Terrible Video Game that’s Impossible to Beat!


  • Reply Like Nerd Like Son July 8, 2019 at 6:16 pm

    James is trying really hard to get the D

  • Reply Onestop Funstop July 11, 2019 at 1:34 am

    I hate your videos.
    Your videos suck so bad.
    You want to go back 30 years and compare old technology that was cutting edge to things that weren't even invented yet, or possible for another 20 years

  • Reply Controversy J July 11, 2019 at 2:23 am

    This has the legendary shit scale

  • Reply Channel G July 11, 2019 at 2:38 pm

    Why is sonic 06 not in the shit scale

  • Reply LemonnadeTV Official July 11, 2019 at 3:25 pm

    hong kong 97? do you mean 1997?

  • Reply Chenniss Berry III July 13, 2019 at 1:51 am

    Where Does E.T For Atari Go On The Scale

  • Reply James Anderson July 13, 2019 at 3:13 am

    Holy fuck bro I haven’t laughed so fucking hard in at least a month fuck sakes wtf

  • Reply postersandstuff July 13, 2019 at 6:54 am

    In Europe Donald Duck has a superhero alter ego like Darkwing

  • Reply Huey Freeman & his animated friends July 15, 2019 at 3:02 am

    there was a mad max game for the NES? i only know about the next-gen version for the PS4 and the Xbox One.

  • Reply Brian July 15, 2019 at 8:03 am

    2:36 this really unnecessary weird editing tho

  • Reply Mareoio July 15, 2019 at 11:30 am

    he should play sumotori dreams

  • Reply Links Between Drinks July 15, 2019 at 11:49 pm

    "Penguins don't cum when you're anywhere near the D"

  • Reply The artist formerly known as 'An actual Faggot' July 17, 2019 at 6:24 pm

    0:45 i love a good freeze frame!

  • Reply Schmidty’s Kettle Corn July 18, 2019 at 4:55 am

    What about the game Orb 3D?

  • Reply Croc Jaw July 18, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    the d

  • Reply Chad Downs July 19, 2019 at 7:01 am

    Fuck! Fuck!
    Fuck this DUCK!!!

  • Reply Bruce Dallas III July 20, 2019 at 1:33 am

    Your sideburns are wrecked

  • Reply ZelosZalis July 20, 2019 at 5:24 pm

    its shame the game is so bad, it does have all the elements of a good game, just put together so badly.

  • Reply Hakunah Ma-Tatta July 21, 2019 at 1:19 am

    Alot of D's cumming and ass in this one.

  • Reply D Millz July 21, 2019 at 9:21 pm

    I lost my shit too, 10:40 🤣

  • Reply Kitarya Kysubae July 23, 2019 at 11:50 pm

    Nerd wants the D. I feel ya buddy.

  • Reply Jake Friedman July 24, 2019 at 1:21 am

    Every few months I come back just for 10:38.

  • Reply Hungryman Man of Steel Productions July 24, 2019 at 12:49 pm

    7:43 The highlight of the video.

  • Reply Hank Makes Videos July 24, 2019 at 2:50 pm

    You should’ve said “Fuck the D, the D can suck MY D!”

  • Reply Maurice Fuqua July 25, 2019 at 5:11 am

    Sorry I shit my self

  • Reply Lauren Klitsch July 26, 2019 at 5:55 pm

    Lets get dangerous

  • Reply Rogu July 28, 2019 at 12:55 am

    i broke my shoulder as a kid and they put 2 metal nails on it and left the wound open and told me when its healed the nails will pop out. my friend was at my house and we were playing darkwing duck on 8 bit (well he was playing cos my arm) and i lookked at my shoulder that had 2 bloody nails stikcing out of it and just went "AAAAAARGHHHHH" and thats how i remember this game 😀

  • Reply Musical Triangle July 28, 2019 at 6:22 pm

    Es mierdoso

  • Reply K4yr4h July 30, 2019 at 6:55 pm

    at least a game with bats

  • Reply K4yr4h July 30, 2019 at 6:59 pm

    there is one more category after dark red: ET

  • Reply Wayne Preston August 1, 2019 at 7:15 pm


  • Reply Mitchell Thorp August 2, 2019 at 3:11 am

    Have you tried Faxanadu? It was one of my favorites but looking back it was kind of shitty. It was on NES and it was a side scroll RPG. I liked that you could level up a lot if you were patient. I think it was Zelda on steroids.

  • Reply Alex Archer August 2, 2019 at 9:10 pm


  • Reply Expirience Explosion August 3, 2019 at 5:22 am

    5:34 I guess you could say he wants it.

  • Reply Standupforyourself9 August 4, 2019 at 12:33 am

    Why did Nintendo waste so much plastic on their cartridge's? when its just the tip that the game chip was on.

  • Reply Jack Ocello August 5, 2019 at 1:31 pm

    F$ck you kids 🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭

  • Reply EL CADO August 6, 2019 at 3:38 pm

    This is frustrating to watch

  • Reply Nikos Mpoutzaras August 7, 2019 at 7:05 pm

    you have to play this on nes it is play ok

  • Reply Hashirama Sayan August 9, 2019 at 4:24 am

    ROLF i lost it at 10:42 😂🤣

  • Reply C. J. August 9, 2019 at 4:35 pm

    bruh he shit himself

  • Reply Exalibro1590 August 9, 2019 at 11:26 pm

    Another space shooter

  • Reply Riko Saikawa August 10, 2019 at 3:03 pm

    The cat analogy is brilliantly clever.

  • Reply Joseph petersen August 10, 2019 at 11:15 pm

    "…based on the tv show."-
    As opposed to the novel?

  • Reply John Puckett August 11, 2019 at 12:24 am

    Keith Courage in Alpha Zones for the TurboGrafx 16 is my all time favorite game

  • Reply KoldTony Debonaire August 12, 2019 at 7:34 am

    I was the only person i knew with a turbo grafx and i dont remember it having a Darkwing game and im glad i didnt…its def one fucked up duck of a game.

  • Reply xuanbao Xb2103 August 12, 2019 at 2:37 pm

    Nice video

  • Reply Grey_Worm of House No_Worm August 13, 2019 at 2:36 am

    10:42 I felt that rage in 2019

  • Reply Dragon Zilla August 13, 2019 at 5:32 pm

    Oh Ducking Hell!

  • Reply ArchAngel121996 August 14, 2019 at 2:34 am

    the d that dont sound good lol

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